D.I.R.T. by Heltah Skeltah

1. Intro
- Nice beat and just good shit all around. The lyrics are in your face and everything was on point on this track. Great way to start off this album.


2. Everything Is Heltah Skeltah
- Dope at first on some musical shit but the lyrics are straight fire. Rock and Sean P were on point on this song and Sean P had one of the best lyrical showings on this album. Just an all out ill track.


3. The Art Of Disrespekinazation
- This beat is crack. This track is crack. Everything here is ill. I'm impressed by Heltah Skeltah so far I didn't expect to like it this much so far but I'm seeing a bright future for this album. Not even a big Heltah fan. Anyways this track is lyrically good gangsta shit.



4. Da Beginning Of Da End
- Another real nice beat. Rockness's verse was dope as fuck and I liked Sean P's as well. This track was dope as hell. The beat set off everything and these dudes could've spit ass and still sounded nice over this beat. Mad dope track i think I pissed myself in excitement for the other songs.



5. Twinz
- Damn Sean P dropped heat on this track and Rockness did as well. Perfect verses from everyone. Just some straight raw ass gangsta shit!!!! Damn I could listen to this over and over. Matter of fact if I ever want to fight with someone Ima listen to this to get me pissed. Ill ass track is all that can be said.



6. D.I.R.T. (Another Boot Camp Clik Yeah Song)
- Yeah!!!!! This track is ill as fuck. To be honest I never respected Sean P as much as I should've but now that I'm hearing this dudes mad ill. The flow is crazy, the lyrics are crazy. Just more raw rapping from these niggas. This is a hood banger right hurr.


7. So Damn Tuff
- "It's the left jab that'll have you fucked up like a crystal meth lab" Ha ill. Another dope track that's mad gangster. This is just an ill gangsta rap album. One of the best gangsta rap albums in awhile. It's got a perfect blend of lyrics, beats and hood status. Anyone can feel this and if you ain't than you should die.



8. Insane
- Maybe the worst track so far and that's saying a lot considering this isn't a bad track in the least bit. A real raw gangsta track but I just didn't like it as much as the other 7. The flow was tight from Sean P.



9. W.M.D.
- A real nice soothing beat and the flow and delivery is perfect from all MC's. Another real gangster track. Just talking about shooting dudes and all that hood/gangsta shit. I can feel it especially when I'm pissed. Props to M-Phazes on the production side. Ill beat ya digg?



10. That's Incredible
- The introduction lines were great. Beautiful almost. Like literally I was gonna cry :). Another nice Climatic beat and dope raw lyrics. I never heard Heltah Skeltah spit like this. Before now I thot of them as boring and overrated but this album makes them a serious case. Some may even call this album of the year. But I'm getting a head of myself. Point is this track is dope.



11. Ape Food
- The beat is once again nice and so is everything else. I might as well just say that for everything cuz thats how it is ya digg? Lyricism is ill from everyone on the track. The flow is hood the track is gangster I'm feeling this. Nothing more to say other than it's ill.



12. Hellz Kitchen
- Dope track repping the kitchen big. Nothing more Ima say. Ill!


13. Smack Muzik
- Second weakest track on here. It's raw and gangster but was lacking something. Not bad though it's real fast paced and up in your face.



14. Ruck N Roll
- Ill beat and nice change of pace from the other tracks in some ways. Still ill as hell. All the lyrics and flow was great. Sounded great over the beat. Just a perfect way to end a great album. Sean P>>>>>>>>>> Rockness>>>>>>>> Props to them niggas on this album.


~REVIEW DONE BY C.S.~


LAST WORDS:
Basically All Ima say is WOW. Dope ass album not a single weak track. true ass gangsta shit. If you have to choose between CRACK, Politicz As Usual, Paper Trail or any of the other recent albums. You go buy this.



GRADES:
C.S. : B+
KARTOON : 8/10

CRACK by Z-RO

1. Crack (Intro)
- Dope ass intro it's real....real...chill? So yea the part when he's talking interesting and keeps you listening and then the part where he starts rhyming is good to. It was a different type of beat. Good rapping all together it's a nice intro.



2. Baby Girl
- Kind of an R&B flow but unlike Scarface when he does it I was feeling this. At first he sounded like he was singing and rhyming at the same time but no matter what it was dope as hell. Dope beat dope lyrics, dope everything. That's why they call it Crack.



3. Call My Phone Ft. Slim Thug
- Another smooth track from two of H-Towns bosses. Z-Ro may have the smoothest style. Dudes just so cool in the booth. Z-RO on some real shit right now though this track is chill as fuck.



4. Here We Go Ft. Mike-D
-"Put A Ring On My Own Finger Cuz I Sleep With Z-Ro" ill. Z-Ro spits another real ass track. Mike-D's verse was tight, I liked it the flow was nice and lyrically it wasn't bad. This entire track I could relate to and thats always a plus.



5. If That's How You Feel Ft. Lil Keke
- The beat was decent but this is probably the weakest track so far. The lyrics were sort of missing something and well actually the entire track was missing something. It was still average but not as good as the other 4. Worth a listen most definitely though.



6. Lonely
- Well another good track and Z-Ro does what? Spits more of dat real shit. That seemed to be Z-Ro's focus was to be real as fuck here not that he hasn't always been real. But all these are silent anthems. What I mean by that is that they don't make as much noise as an anthem but they're low profile and if u listen to them you'll relate to it. Nice track.




7. Made
- Good shit some nice smooth lyrics on this track. Not anything better than a good track but hey we'll take it. I listened to it a couple more times and noticed the good lyricism and flow. SO it was better at second listen definitely.



8. The Mo City Don
- Hmmmm the singing I can't kinda do without or whatever Z-Ro was trying to do. I mean he does it well and better than certain others I know. It was kinda like Gangsta R&B. Good track though not his best on here but worth a listen and has decent lyricism.


9. Top Notch
- Not a very good track just didn't have very much substance to it. Kind of catchy I mean I would play this in the club. But yea i'd skip this but decide for yourself cuz it's not completely bad.



10. Rollin'
-Another mellow track wit nice flow. Kind of boring though and as far as lyrics, Z-Ro is starting to sound like a broken record. Seems like every track has the same problem, same lyrics, same flow, same beat. I'm starting to get bored with this. :( sorry. He needs to use different beats instead of these slow ass beats.



11. Tired Ft. Mya
- Stop with the singing and shit. TO tell you the truth I'm not a huge Z-Ro fan. I like dude but not a big fan like fellow staff member DaOriginalKillaKastro. So IDK if Z-Ro sings like this on his other albums but it's getting old. Lyrics are bland and so is this beat.



12. You
- This song seems like the same beat from tracks 1-8 lol. I'm trying not to hate on the beat selection but it's hard. Sure it flows well with him but they all sound the same. This track though is actually not that bad I liked it. Real shit.



13. Eyes On Paper Ft. Paul Wall
- Good track but other than Z-Ro being better than Lloyd Banks there voices remind me of each other. IDK why I'm making the comparison but they seem monotone from time to time and just have bland voices. Not a bad track but not great. I can feel it though.


14. 25 Lighter
- I was vibing with this. Good ass track right here one of the best on the album. Had a great Dirty South sound and just an ill track. The lyrics and low tempo beat set off Z-Ro's voice and there wasn't no gay ass R&B sound. Dope fucking track with a nice length. That's really all I can say lol



15. Paid My Dues
- WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? This beat is different from every other beat. It's dope maybe the dopest since the Intro. Z-Ro ended this album with a real nice track. Shit's ill and a great way to end this album.




LAST WORDS:
Well let's see this album started off well mainly because I ignored certain things but as this album went on I noticed the beats were boring and sounded the same, the lyrics were decent at best and well Z-Ro kept being an R&B douche. Still I pressed on and found myself enjoying it here and there. Maybe it'll take more listens but whatever. Point is that Crack has gotten mixed reviews from listeners. Some saying it's dope [Kartoon] and top 5 of the year and then others saying it's a disappointment or "GARBAGE". I wouldn't say it's garbage at all and I really wasn't excited for it so it's not a disappointment. This is a real mellow album that you can zone out to and just chill with. Listen to some real shit while smoking a blunt.




~REVIEW DONE BY C.S.~



GRADES:
C.S. : B
Kartoon : 8/10
DKE : B+

Dr. Dooom 2 by Dr. Dooom

1. Simon
- LMAO this shit was funny as hell. Dissing Simon Cowell and American Idol. I was dying laughing for some reason. I just didn't expect it at all. Really other than the comedy aspect the lyricism is lame and shit wasn;t impressive. A lot of repeated words.



2. The Countdown
- The beat is nice and sounds mad old school. The lyricism is better on this track and is just a more interesting song. Kinda seemed like this was the true beginning of the album and Simon was just an intro.


3. R.I.P. Dr. Octagon
- This is one of my favorite Keith tracks. SHits just fuckin ill. Octagon got merked but still I'll admit Keith's lyricism could use some work. But fuck that i won't critique the matsers style just his tracks. This was the first track I heard on youtube from this album and I was like "Holy Shit" this track is ill I gotta pick this up.



4. I'm Creepin
- "I'm Creepin" lol kind of a wierd song but of course it's kind of wierd its Dr. Dooom nigga. Decent track but nothing special kind of boring but I can't say skip it because I'm sure numerous Keith lovers will find some way to call this genius and dope.


5. I Followed You
- The beat is fucking heat. One thing I noticed so far is that the production on this album so far is nice. The flow is real nice and good "original" rhyming scheme. Dooom on some funny ass stalking shit.


6. Run For Your Life Ft. Father
- More nice original rhyming. I liked the line where he talks about watching the Backyardigans. No Homo but that takes balls to say u watching the backyardigans. Some times I look at Keith and wonder why people overrate him so much cuz lyrically he isn't very good I mean he sounds like a 6 year old but he's a very original rapper and does something different. You just really gotta dig Acid Rap to be into him. Decent track nice verse from Father.



7. Step-N-Fetchers
- Really this song is pointless but that's aight I can dig it. Another good simple beat kinda like a fast paced horro beat. Nice lyricism, nice song.


8. The God Of Rap
- The beat is ill and this track is dope as fuck. Dooom speaks on some real shit. He merks any rapper when it comes to being original and out of the ordinary. Dope ass track with good lyrics and just ill shit. the beat puts you in a trance. Ill Shit bruh!



9. How Sexy Ft.Denis Deft
- Some of Keiths best lyricism so far on this album and just a good track that wasn't like his others. The beat sounded nice like it was played off a Xylophone. Dr. Dooom is dat nigga. This track gets better in the second half.



10. That Girl Is A Monster
-Sounding like a 50 Cent/G-Unit except its Dr. Dooom on it lol. Some nice wordplay and lyricism here. Has quite a few nice lines. "What Side Of My Ass Do You Want To Kiss" Word nice. Good track


11. Do Not Disturb
- Beat is mad nice and track is a banger. Dooom be on some ethering shit on this track. Nice lyrics and just all out ill flow Dooom got at u straight up with this. BOW DOWN TO DOOOM!



12. Take That Ride
- Street banger right here for some reason lol. Shits nice and catchy as hell. I was feeling it at first but then I got mad into it after the beginning. The middle and beyone was dope.


13. Mopped Up
- This track has mad dope wordplay and lyricism. Talking about slicing kneecaps and shit. Keith gets at deez niggas and the fans. Right up in your face. Just some of Keiths best lyricism.



14. Always Talkin Out Your Ass
- The beat is real calm and Doom still droppin heat on dudes. Good one liners and nice lyrics. Otherworldly almost if u follow me. Still only an average track to me but definitely worth a listen.



15. Surgery Ft. Motion Man
- Average track nothing bad but nothing great. Stays right in the middle. I did like Motion Man's verse a lot though.



~REVIEW DONE BY C.S.~




GRADES:
C.S. : B-
KARTOON : 9/10

Mega Man 9 (Wii Version)

It's been 15 years since the last 8bit Mega Man game was released with a slew of Mega Man titles released throughout (X series, MegaMan and Bass, Battle Network, ton of other shitty games, etc). Capcom decided to take it old school and finally release Mega Man 9 the way it should be and they did it right.

Story:
Let's be honest, the story is terrible. If you've played any Mega Man game you know what to expect, robots go nuts and threaten the planet and it's up to Mega Man to stop them. Dr. Light, Wily, Roll, etc. are all back. The first "cutscene" starts out with a MASSIVE plot twist (ok not really you know it's a lie) but it's more story then some of the games had, but still terrible. Who plays Mega Man for story, though?

Soundtrack:
The soundtrack is amazing and stands up there with all the NES ones, same addicting tunes, same 8bit style.

Graphics:
Now this graphics are either amazing or absolutely terrible depending on how you look at them. If you take it for what it's supposed to be, an 8bit Mega Man game, then they're exceptional and 100% accurate to the old school Mega Man games complete with sprite tearing, graphical glitches, etc. On the other hand if you look at them as being in 2008 they're terrible and probably the worst on any "new" game out. Personally I think they're great because that was the look Capcom was going for, they WANT it to be a new NES game.

Level Design:
The level design is on-point for every stage and it easily ranks up there as some of the best levels in Mega Man history, period. Galaxy Man, Jewel Man, etc. have really innovative level designs that have not been seen in any prior Mega Man game. The enemy spawn patterns are predictable and everything has a set route as is Mega Man tradition but they're still wonderfully clever. You WILL die to the perfectly placed enemy or that one spike that you got nudged into, Capcom knows what you will do and how to kill you when you do it.

Gameplay:
The Gameplay in 9 is great, spot-on like the originals. It's based on Mega Man 1-2 so there is no chargeshot, slide, etc. that we saw in the later games, it's just the basic run and jump. Of course the tradition of stealing the Robot Master's weapons is still there, and the rock-paper-scissors gameplay continues. There are multiple ways to play this game and that's what makes it great. You can figure out which weapon would be most effective against who, just use your powerbuster against everyone, or buy dozens of e-tanks and do whatever the hell you want. A new addition to 9 is the store, you can exchange screws you find for various items including e-tanks, the ability to play as helmetless Mega Man and other goodies. This offers a new unique way to play Mega Man and makes it more forgiving to players new to the franchise. Don't think this will make the game easy though because you will die, a lot. This is probably one of (if not THE hardest) of all the old school Mega Man games but that's what makes it great.

Downloadable Content:
Yes you read that header right, downloadable content. Capcom already announced the first batch is coming out sometime in October and assuming that does well more will probably be on the way. The sad part about this however is that you already bought the DLC when you purchased Mega Man 9, this initial set is already in the game but you have to pay for the right to use it. Basically Capcom is trying to milk us for money, instead of just including it like they should have. Anyway the first batch is the ability to play as Proto Man (a new way to play through the game as he has charge shot, slide, and handles differently), higher difficulties, and a few other goodies. Nothing else has been announced yet but expect a high change of seeing more characters or at the very least new outfits eventually.

Overall:
It's Mega Man, there's really nothing else to say. If the idea of a new 8bit Mega Man game sounds exciting to you then get it. It's $10, a nice retro-throwback, and a genuine fun game. Keep in mind this was based off of the Wii version as the 360/PS3 versions aren't out yet.

9/10

-Kartoon

Rotten Apple by Lloyd Banks

1. Rotten Apple Ft. 50 Cent & Prodigy
- Real dope ass beat from Havoc and Sha Money XL. The track is decent only because of the banging beat. The lyricism isn't very good and all in all the track is pretty lame. Banks can spit better than this and his guests weren't help.




2. Survival
- This track was pretty boring. The lyricism was average but this track is just so boring....Like I had a hard time getting into it at all. He had a good topic but as complained before by others Banks shows no emotion he's just monotone.



3. Playboy 2
- Certain people was saying that this was one of the only good tracks off Rotten Apple but this track is pretty lame. An okay beat but the rhymes are overly simple and just a lame song that seemed to be made by a 10 year old rapper. Just cuz u say "Yup" after shit don't mean nothing.



4. The Cake Ft. 50 Cent
- I was actually feeling this. It started off pretty wack but got way better as it went on. Still only a average song though.



5. Make A Move
- A decently flowing song it just was also boring. I swear Banks has to be one of the most boring rappers in history. I mean I like the dude and believe he has talent but he shows no emotion and that don't help him.



6. Hands Up Ft. 50 Cent
- Oh snap this bass is bumping. 50 Cent really sounded nice over this beat and it is pretty catchy. Best track so far. Banks finally showed some nice lyricism here. Word up to Eminem for the beat naw mean?



7. Help
- So basically Banks thinks he's a pornstar in the music video? lol This track is aight lyrically. It's still another blah/decent track. Not much else to say except step ya game up Banks!



8. Addicted
-Jesus I just have lost so much interest in this album. This track is unappealing its so damn boring. No album should make you strain yourself to enjoy it. If I just heard one above average song I'd be happy.



9. You Know The Deal (Dollar Bill) Ft. Rakim
- Well this has Rakim on it so thats dope. Nice track still kind of a bore but it flowed well and kept me intrigued for half of it.


10. Get Clapped Ft. Mobb Deep
-Actually a pretty nice track I was feeling it. The beat had a real ill sound and everyone spit on point. Nice raw New York shit. i can dig it the whole way through and actually Banks's voice complimented him.



11. Stranger
- It started off slow but ended up being decent. Still not really worth a listen. Everything is blah and puts you to sleep.



12. Change
- Yea pretty lame. Skip!



13. NY NY Ft. Tony Yayo
-Another nice Eminem beat. God its almost like I'm listening for production only because the lyrics are ass and boring. Unoriginal. Shits just so predictable and boring. This track is no exception.



14. One Night Stand
-Not a bad track at all shit has good parts. The beat is nice and like a remedy ya digg? The lyricism is nice so all in all this track isn't bad but don't get me wrong it ain't any better than good.



15. Iceman Feat. young Buck, Scarface & 8 Ball
- The flows from all the rappers was tight. Everyone flowed well and spit great. Maybe the best track on this album. Beat is simple yet nice. Good shit from all 4 of them MC's.



16. Gilmore's
- Nice beat but every thing else on this track lacks greatly




GRADE: D-



-C.S.

One For The Journey EP by Sway

1. True Stories
- The intro was interesting. Now I've never heard this Sway guy before but he's not that bad. He had a real nice flow and the lyricism was nice. Getting a little political on this and I liked it. Shit was nice he stayed dope throughout the track really not a single weak line.




2. Move Back
- Nice beat it sounded very epic. Sway's voice isn't annoying either so that's a plus. This track is nice as well. Raw UK shit and I never thought I'd say that. Nah 4real the lyricism ain't bad and I guess I'd have to live in the UK to feel some of this shit. It's hard to understand when he's saying Scottland Yard or I rep Buckland hard. Like I'm thinking to myself that's like saying "I Rep Hollywood" That's just how teh UK is portrayed in America but Ima look past that. Good track.



3. Baby Father
- Ok I won't fuckin lie. that bitch sounded like a retard and she completely made this track cheesy as hell. Very cheesy track I wasn't feeling it. The beat combined with the bitch's voice completely overshadowed the lyrics. :(


4. Up Your Speed
-This track has Chamillionaire on it? Hmmm thats wierd. Sway ain't a bad producer I've noticed so far. More heavy repping for the UK and all its cities or whatever they call them over there. :) The lyricism is okay it's more like a club banger than anything but I can dig it.



5. Ex Boyfriend
- Nice and slow I was feeling it and Sway was smooth like R Kelly ya digg? lol the singing was kind of wierd but it fit well. Sway has a nice speed to his voice when he raps. Nice rapid fire rapping. Different change of pace from the other songs. Not bad but not great. Just average.



6. Every Man (For Himself)
-Not a bad track but nothing special. Everything was just plain average.



7. Get 'Em High
- Sway seems to have done something different with his voice. None the less this track is okay. The beat and singing in the back adds a nice flavor to it. Decent track no more no less.



GRADE: B

-C.S.

Slim Shady EP by Eminem

1. Intro (Slim Shady)
- Lol thats some crazy ass shit. Slim Shady is dat nigga yea digg? Kinda wierd.



2. Low, Down, Dirty
- Good underground track. Nice smooth track with nice lyricism. Not his best lyricism but nice of course. It's just mad raw and not the Eminem we see today. "If you hear a man who sounds like me smack'em/Ask him where he got his raps from/" Nice song.


3. If I Had...
- The beginning is some true shit that I was feeling. Good words from Eminem. Another real nice smooth track. I love Eminems slow tracks cuz really the dude spits ill ass true shit on his slower shit when he's not being all Up In Your Face as Slim Shady. "If I had One Wish/I'd wish for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss" Yea nuff said.



4. Just Don't Give A Fuck
-Yea you all know this track. It's legendary and it's dope. Every line from the beginning is nice and on point. "You wacker than the mother fucker you bit your style from/You wouldn't sell to copies if you pressed a double album" Also that buying a ticket to your concert line was nice. More ill/real shit. Eminem is an angry poerson lol and I think this track embodies an entire generation of pissed off white people. Crazy good.



5. Mommy
- I honestly don't see the point at all. It was nothing.



6. Just The Two Of Us
- Haha this track is funny in a fucked up way. Ill as hell but Em is mad fucked up. I ain't one to judge though cuz from craziness comes ill tracks. Damn the raw lyricism and shit was just so perfect and the storytelling. Even when he's saying the baby words it sounds ill. Kim must feel kinda scared cuz Em makes like 30 tracks about killing her. But hey it's whatever this is ill as hell. Beat wasn't bad either.



7. No One's Iller
- The features are ill and many believe this to be one of Em's best underground tracks. Swifty and Bizarre were straight on point. Eminem's verse was mad nice he just makes it seem effortless. Dope track.


8. Murder, Murder
- Kind of boring. It's pretty slow but still nice lyricism of course. Just an average track.


9. If I Had....(Radio Edit)
-Same As Before Except edited. :(


10. I Just Don't Give A Fuck (Radio Edit)
-Same as b4



GRADE: B+


-C.S.

The Leak EP by Lil Wayne

1. I'm Me
- Definitely a different style from his newest shit. Seems more grimy. I still can't really handle his flow and the way he talks like when he stresses his shit. He was definitely a different rapper at this time though. Well thats kinda wierd considering that was only a year ago but he changed up for The Carter III. The beat is real nice though. I can't actually say i dislike this track. :)


2. Gossip
- The intro was wierd I'll say. Lil Wayne's flow wasn't bad. At first I liked a couple of his metaphors/similies and just lines in general. Then he did typical Weezy and started making no sense. "If I'm Wrong, then there is no right" That was nice I liked it but then he says "If I'm wrong there is no white" What in the hell does that mean? So many missed oppurtunities to make good lines in the middle of the song.




3. Kush
- Uhhhhhhhhhhh yea I don't know what to say. Ass? Nothing here was working for me. The lines sounded retarded in a bad way and just were so wack that a 4 year old could rap better. He talks about random shit like ninja turtles and ormal turtles and other wierd shit. Dude must've been high as fuck. Nice beat but the lyrics are wack as fuck.




4. Love Me Or Hate Me
- loool he said, "I get right back up like Viagra" That is just horrible in every way. Why would you say that? That should've been followed up immediately by no homo cuz I felt very uncomfortable. He saves himself in the middle with some average stuff. This track is still wack cuz well......Wayne is rapping on it.



5. Talkin About It
- Haha "I'm So Fly I need my ass kicked/ These boys ballin by accident/" Sorry but Weezy has some of the most hilarious lines. [In A Bad Way] I mean Lil Wayne is more of a comedy rapper to me. This track is average. Not much else to say ust lame.




GRADE: C+

-C.S.

Astronaut EP by Quasimoto

1. Astronaut
- You ain't no astronaut! The beat is all out dope as fuck of course its from Madlib. Now lyrically this track could use some work but this is a dope song make no damn mistake. I don't look to Quasi for great lyricism but the flow and delivery is great and anyone could sound dope over a Madlib beat. :) Ill track definitely listen if you're a hip hop head.



2. Am I Confused?
- Dat nigga Madlib dropped another dope ass beat. Shit was thumpin and Quasimoto was ill as fuck on this. Nothing really to say other than the beat is top notch, Quasi spit great to this. Just a nice track not as good as Astronaut but this is nice.Can't say enough about this beat its just so damn good. Madlib is God of the instrumental.



3. Lonely Piano
- One of the most beloved beats from Madlib. Hell look it up on youtube and see how many people love it. Just saw smooth like a lullaby but it bangs hard still. If your an upcoming producer take notes. If your an upcoming rapper look into taking this beat. It's almost just simple yet so complex. lol I don't know but it's ill. *Bumps Again*



Last Words:
Well I normally don't like doing EP's but whatever I felt a need to do this one. Also Ima be doing other EP's this week as well. At only 3 tracks I can't fully say much really. This was definitely good and worth a listen. At 3 tracks it shouldn't be that hard to lend your ears. I give this a B because it's so short, shorter than even other short EP's. All the tracks were solid but I just wasn't feeling an A.



GRADE: B+

-C.S.

Mirrors (2008)

Well what can I say about the Exorcist, oh sorry I meant Silent Hill...the Eye?. My bad guys I meant Pulse.....oh yea, it's called Mirrors.

Alright so if you can't tell from that basically what you're getting with this movie is the pieces of various other (mostly shitty) movies combined into one, and then made even worse. An ex-detective (Kiefer Sutherland) who's on leave for killing someone (how, why, etc is never explained, they could have easily left out the detective BS because it was irrelevant) gets a job at as a nightwatchmen at an abandoned department store and soon begins having terrible visions around mirrors.

Let's start with the parts of the movie that make 0 sense. First off we're told that the department store he's patrolling has no electricity. Sounds reasonable right? Yes, except that he's constantly turning on lights. Next we have the watchmen job in general. The department store was part of a massive fire, the inside is completely destroyed, the basement is flooded, and they're never going to use it again. Why the hell have they being hiring a watchman to patrol it for five years now? Waste of finances, just a lil?

Then there's other things such as he smashes the rearview mirror in his car but apparently the two on the outside don't matter, or the windows themselves even though he covers them up in his house. He also is no longer a detective but he got to keep his gone, even though he's on pills to stop his alcoholism and other things, that sounds like a good idea.

The story is equally terrible. The idea is that wherever mirrors are the "thing" (I can him Satan) can get to you and manipulate you using your mirror image. We don't get told why exactly this thing is in the mirror until like half way through the movie and we never find out what it is. Does this sound familiar? Yea, it's from Pulse (an equally terrible movie where ghosts travel through electronics). He first gets visions in one of the mirrors of people burning to death. Oh, like the factory in the Eye! Yea...

We eventually find out (after a ton of useless information that has zero importance to the story) that the cause of the thing in the mirror is an old lady who used to be in the mental hospital where the department store now is. They thought she had a personality disorder when she was actually possessed by this Satan, her brother brought in priests, doctors, etc. to try to help her. I'm sure by now you said HEY EXORCIST! Well yes, she even looked similar. Anyway more useless info and we find out that the doctor at the hospital strapped her in a room surrounded by mirrors which eventually sucked Satan out. Now however he wants her back and he kills the families of all the watchmen until they find and bring her back to him. I won't spoil the ending but it's incredibly cheesy, especially the "epic" final battle and if you've seen Silent Hill the ending is IDENTICAL.

There really was no redeeming factors for this movie. The plot was terrible, the acting was fairly bad, the subplots were a waste of time, the actual movie could have fit in about a 30 minute TV slot which would have made it a lot better. I don't know what exactly I was expecting from this movie but like One Missed Call and Pulse earlier it certainly wasn't this.

4/10

-Kartoon

Anthropophagus (1980)

A group of friends go on a trip to explore various Greek islands but end up stranded on a mainly deserted island being terrorized by someone or something that takes them out one by one.

A pretty standard Italian slasher movie complete with dramatic music buildup and the occasional thing popping out. If you watch it for what it is then it's a good movie, but don't expect anything groundbreaking or original in it. The gore effects are really well done for the time it was produced and two specific parts near the end (which I won't spoil, you'll know what they are when you see them) will definitely give you something to remember.

A lot of cliches in it of course. In the group we have the slut (although a surprising twist this time, it's a man!), the useless bitch (pregnant), the machoman, the hitchhiker, etc. Typical "twists" here and there and the characters all do incredibly moronic things such as one woman going to investigate a noise in the basement while the others are sleeping, one running off into the woods at night in a storm, the two men leaving the two women with a blind girl in a house to go and try and get on a boat, etc.

One thing that was terrible was the dubs and the subtitles. Now I did just watch a bootleg so I'm not sure if it was meant to be like this, but the subtitling was terrible. While listening to the dub and reading the subtitles it was like the subtitles were fan made, which they could have been, because they were so inaccurate it was unbelievable. They cut out words/phrases, added in other random words, etc. The dubs themselves weren't much better, easily featuring some of the worst voice acting I've heard. The scene with Nikos (the cannibal) or the boat with his family is possibly the cheesiest scene ever, simply because whoever did the voice was terrible.

Overall not a bad movie for what it is and does have a couple noteworthy scenes. It drags on a little bit at times but not too bad. Hopefully the true Italian version has better subtitles because then it would be much improved, as for the movie I watched I'd have to give it;

6/10

-Kartoon

Blu - Lifted (EP)

For the record, Blu's Below The Heavens with Exile? Classic.

1) Another Day
Great, mellow beat, with some real nice lyrics. No chorus, just straight spittin’, with Blu touching on subjects ranging from why he’s rapping, talks about other career choices, and ends up on how his girl’s a hypocrite. Nice lines through it, my favorite part’s near the end talking about hypocrites/fake cats. Actually, hell, there’s too many quotable lines. Really, a dope, dope song. Peep it on youtube or something haha.

2) Soul Provider
Harder feeling to this. Beat’s ok, the scratches get annoying though. Nice, sick lyrics though. Really too many quotable lines on this one too, just sick lyrics, great flow.

3) Soul Amazin’ (Steel Blazin’)
Yeah, a song from the Below The Heavens album. Nice instrumental, really spiritual, and soulful (which is clearly what they were going for haha). Crazy flow, like usual. “Flow sweeter than swine/So any mic that I find, got a right to be hoggin’ it/Talkin’ shit, loudmouth, wild out, startin’ it/Alcoholic slaughter in my vocab department/So pardon if my talkin’ is slurred…”

4) Party Of Two
Love song…ish haha. Not liking the beat, but the lyrics are OK. Yeah, they’re pretty horny lol, and pretty much just like “yeah I wanna fuck you,” but still, nice lyricism amidst the limited subject matter. Chorus is meh, got a singer on it. But yeah, pretty good lines: “Love you got me awful/Cause you know I’m all for you/Plus I love it when you call me Blu.” Still, worst song of the 5.

5) The Narrow Path
Another from Below The Heavens. Good song, like the beat. Great lyrics, like usual. Nice vibe to the song. Talkin’ about walkin’ the road, the narrow path. Nice chorus, and overall just 5 minutes of nice lyricism. “Though I’ve managed to make it/I’ve damaged the places/Up in my mind/Life and times of Los Angeles’ greatest/Wasting time, wasting life spans fucking around/I’m spitting deep shit, stuck underground/So just dig it, I don’t fuck with it…”


Grade: A-
The EP is so short, that the misses are more noticeable. Tracks 3/4 just werent at the level as the other three, so i can't give this a perfect grade. Still definitely worth listening

- DKE

Seeing Sounds by N.E.R.D.

N.E.R.D Seeing Sounds (2008)

Lets get into this latest project from N.E.R.D. and see what they brought to the table

Time For Some Action

This starts off with a little classical neighborhood intro as Pharrell reminisces over his 7 yr old lifestyle in the 80’s as began “seeing sounds”. So this beat came on and I was like damn… this bumps like I’ve been bumpin it for weeks already. And then it hit me that this sounds like Pharrell’s “Can I have It Like That” which I had been bumpin for weeks. This could be like part 2, the only difference is that pharrell punches in a small series of lines that are followed by the bridge of the song. It has a breakdown that’s mediocre but is a chill song overall.

Everyone Nose (All The Girls Standing In The Line For The Bathroom)

Love the remix to this but I like this version equally as much. The percussion on this is killer and this is one of the most live songs as far as production goes on this project. It’s pointed at coked up girls (in more of a LA scene) and the breakdown of this on-point. Loved the bass guitar and little sax sample the most.

Windows

Pharrell comes out with this 80’s style rockstar mixed with soul impersonation. I loved the songwriting on this one, but feel that maybe another band could come out and cover this better than N.E.R.D. could. I would like to see U2 come out and do this one

Anti Matter

Loved the grunge and distortion of the guitar in this song. There’s a sample that only N.E.R.D could make work with the hard drums heavy style of the production. The lyrics from Pharrell came out a little corny at times, but Pharrell said them as if he felt they were the shit but he definitely disappointed me when he got to singing a bridge. It felt unnecessary and N.E.R.D. tried to fit it in there and killed the mood for about 26 seconds.
Punkish Production >>> vocals on this track

Spaz

Loved the sample and drums in this. Wasn’t feeling the verse but the hook and chorus were cool. I have to say that N.E.R.D/Neptunes reminded me that they were the best at producing with a lot of FX sounds with this one. I wanna see a some skate shots in a viedo put together off of this song.

Yeah You

This song just began monotone and dull in the vocals. Listen out for the guitar in it, b/c that’s the only thing making the song. Chorus and Bridge could’ve been written and performed better. This is a blah filler track

Sooner or Later

This one had to grow on me, but once again I wish another lead singer could’ve taken over the vocals. I feel like the emotional down feeling that N.E.R.D was going for; wasn’t emphasized well enough by Mr. Williams.

Happy

When I hear this song, I hear Weezer. Guitars were playing the heart of the song while Pharrell fails sing with enough conviction or aggression. He’s sounds like an out of place R&B singer on stage. Does anyone have Rivers Cuomo’s number?

Kill Joy

This starts out with breath takes that mislead you into thinking your going to hear another N.E.R.D classic. Instead, it turns into Kurtis Blow vs. Metallica. In my opinion, the song should’ve been scrapped b/c I don’t even picture this being played anywhere from a car, ipod, to a club. Its one of my all-time least favorite N.E.R.D songs now

Love Bomb

Great Mellow track that starts out good and keeps rolling along as a piano complements Pharrell’s vocals and hard drums don’t hit too hard but still feel strong

You Know What

My favorite song on this album is right here. 2 Guitars keep a nice groove growing as Pharrell sings in an up paced tempo and casually expresses feelings though a hook, but once again N.E.R.D throws the rhythm of a track with a “where did that come from” breakdown and bridge. Still love this song and the attitude of it. Could even picture a remix to this.

Laugh Bout It

Here goes another nicely composed song where Pharrell’s vocals went along nicely. Very simple drums in this one sadly. They sounded as if they came from a machine, instead of being recorded. It’s a good song though

Production – 10/10

Lyrics – 6.5/10

Overall – 8/10

Well Pharrell and the gang never went wrong with piecing their sounds together but they pharrell isn’t a standout lead vocalist like you see in a U2, Weezer, PATD, Maroon 5
type of band. The punkish side of this album were the highlights (as that is their specialty) but then at times they strayed and did poorly b/c of that. The bridges is something that killed a lot of songs, as they were monotone, boring, or just awkward at times. Still you can make through this whole cd if your more interested in band than listening to Pharrell.

X was Here

Shwayze - Shwayze

Shwayze is apparently great when you’re high, so keep in mind…I’m not haha. This is just on a music/relaxation POV.

1) Roamin’

Decent intro track. I liked the beginning, but it got old quick. The chorus is laid back, and the first verse is nice. But, then the second verse came around, and it felt like the song dropped. Talk about unoriginal and uninspired lyrics: “I’m the shit, ma, that’s the smell/The next big thing, yeah, can’t you tell?”

2) Lazy Days

Lazy track, real laid back. Track about LA, falling in love, shit like that. Not that good a song, but hell, if that’s how life is in LA, count me in for living there haha. Nice guitar beat, real lazy feel, so they captured that aura pretty well, but in general, the track is sorta soporific. A bit too laid back for me. Liked the chorus though: “Lazy days in Los Angeles/If it ain’t your parents it’s the damn police…”

3) Corona And Lime

Hate on this song all you want, I can guarantee you two things: A) girls get easier when they hear this song lol, and B) Driving down I-95 with your cousin, top down = chiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllllllllllllll. No, the lyrics aren’t great, but this is such a chill, laidback track. However, I can definitely see it getting pretty damn annoying after a few spins

4) Buzzin’

Another laid back track, one of my favorite on the album. Good chorus, much less annoying than Corona & Lime. Lyrics are better too, some lines I enjoyed (though they aren’t the most creative): “She said boy you’re crazy/Nah, I’m Shwayze.” Though, to be fair, he’s shown absolutely no range…everything’s about weed, beer and women.

5) Don’t Be Shy

Oh look, it’s the last few songs mixed together! Lyrics are better though, save for a lot of random lines there for basically no reason (cept he may have been high writing/recording). The chorus is ok, but really random. Just a generic song, its OK.

6) Hollywood

I liked Shwayze’s raps a lot more on this track. Talks more about trying to make it as a rapper, and wonders why he’s rhyming...Well, in the first verse anyway, then it goes back to generic. Still, nice lyrics overall, good vibe. Nice chorus too: “Some say when it rains it pours/Hollywood ain’t no place for lovers anymore/It ain’t no place for us…” Unfortunately, there’s some lame shit in the middle and near the end, repeating lines, doing weird sound effects, etc. Still, another favorite on the album.

7) Polaroid

Had be bumping my head quickly. Nice chorus/beat. Less acoustic feel on this one, more electric guitar. Nice lyrics as well, funny lines like: “Legs in the air like a goddamn gymnast/Please God, I beg for forgiveness” and he has a faster flow. Another track I really like from the album (though the repetition at the end of “They call me Shwayze, kinda like Patrick” is stupid as fuck)

8) James Brown Is Dead

Nice song, especially since it shows SOME artist depth. Talks about James Brown’s death, finding out about it, other shit like that (obviously). Nice chorus, simplistic but sounds good. Good lyrics, nice instrumental too. Another nice track, and, like I said, some different subject matter.

9) Lost My Mind

Breaking up with a girl is apparently the theme (or her leaving? Sorta varies). Bad mix of sadness and chillness. Decent lyrics, but I wasn’t feeling the chorus and the instrumental was..meh. Decent track, nothing more nor less.

10) Mary Jane

Should get a guest reviewer for this, someone who smokes weed, since I don’t (yet hahaha). Still…can give some feed. Faster tempo, and lyrics are pretty good. The singer is the one who does the entire song (or at least, it sounds like it). It’s a decent song, I liked some lines: “She sat right next to me/And she made me tell the truth like ecstasy.” But in general, its just decent.

11) Lazy Susan

Would it be stupid for me to say “lazy song” again? Cause it is. Wasn’t feeling the beat, nor the instrumental. Surprisingly, feeling the lyrics a lot though. She cheated on him (I guess?). Decent storytelling, pretty good lyricism…”Damn, don’t do to me like you did before/I just kept my mouth shut, and then we fucked some more.” Wish the instrumental was better, but meh, what can you do. Nice track lyrically, probably his best as far as the verses go.

12) Flashlight feat. Dave Navarro

Fuck this song. Don’t get me wrong, some of it’s ok. The beat’s pretty good, laidback once again. But the lyrics…wow. He repeats lines “shit is good, yeah shit is good”, and he highlights the weirdest shit: “Yeah I am, and I’m big in Japan/ [sound effect] My dick in my hand, and my dick in my hand.” WTF? And the chorus is decent, half of the time, I like it, other half I don’t. But in general…well hell, give me the beef, I’ll destroy it compared to this.

13) Bonus Track

Yeah, sang about smoking weed. I’m losing interest in this album, this is the last track right? Nice chorus, I guess. Makes me wanna smoke. Verses are ok, but very, very forgettable. Just a random, generic song.

Grade: C-

- DKE

LAIR

Gameplay
- Oh shit where do I start? This game tried so hard to use the Sixaxis controller and make use of the PS3 features that it fucked everything up and made the game un-fun. Controlling with the Six-Axis is an absolute bitch. You never really get used to it and it just feels awkward when u want to control with the Left Analog stick. That alone would've made this game loads better. I mean use the six axis here and there I'll accept but not make that the sole control of the game. The aiming is sort of off as well. Just very clunky and messy controls make the gameplay 0 fun!




Graphics
-The only good thing about this game. Beautiful graphics and stunning physics. Water never looked so damn good. Here and there the graphics look kind of wierd and grave but all in all th egame is beautiful. The mountains and the rest of the landscape look so realistic. I could've done with more varied species of Dragon though but whatever. Just great graphics that made this game somewhat worth playing.




Storyline
-Really I doubt people are playing this game for a storyline. I mean u wanna just kill shit with a dope ass dragon. The storyline is you rtypical fantasy story. A world in ruins now two sides clash from different sides of the world. You sort of get to choose your path. Really just an okay storyline nothing great or new.




INNOVATION
-Well Factor 5 really tried hard to innovate this game with the six axis but they failed in an epic way turning one of the most anticipated games into an epic fail. They tried something new and that didn't work out for them which they should've known the six axis is lame and doing soemthing safer was a better idea. But I guess it's Trial & Error. So I gave them a 5/10 for trying soemthing that completely ruined the game.




2/10




-C.S.

Nightmare Man (2006)

Nightmare Man is one of the films from the After Dark Horror Fest 2007. Like most of the films shown it's rather cliched and low budget. The film centers around Ellen Morris, a women who orders a fertility mask to try and help her get pregnant. Shortly after receiving the mask she has a "dream" that she is raped by the Nightmare Man, a being that is wearing the mask. Her husband, William, and doctors think she's schizophrenic so William goes on a trip to a mental health clinic where the car breaks down on the way and the Nightmare Man returns. Ellen runs for her life and stumbles upon a cabin where she find four people spending the weekend, and they begin to get killed one by one.

Cliche city. Deserted road, the car breaks down and the man goes alone to find gas while leaving his crazy girlfriend in a car. Oh, and it's night. Now it's not as cliched as it sounds though as at the end it makes more sense and it's a little plot twist. But even though it's not what it seems it's still lame, you would have to be an IDIOT to actually stay in the car at night on a random road instead of going with your husband.

The acting is alright for a B movie. It's a horror movie so the standard rape scene is there, although it's short but we get a nice view of some big tits! The characters are generic also, the women in distress, the slut, the jock, the innocent but has a secret girl, and the badass. The most redeeming part of the movie is the slut basically naked, and then stripping more to get rammed. Alas this does not happen and with it our hopes for a decent part.

Overall it's a fairly lame movie. Some gore, some skin, some plot twists, but other then that it's a straight forward you know what's coming movie. Oh, and whoever plays the Nightmare Man is absolutely terrible. The voice is horrible, the movement is horrible, it's just terrible.

4/10

-Kartoon